Ah, yes, that's what bottom feels like....

While the trials and tribulations of our cat-napper wear on, it's been a challenge to leave the house with her since she won't just fall asleep somewhere in public (it's honestly a MIRACLE if she does).  This is compounded by the fact that a constantly tired nearly 5 month old baby doesn't really like to be awake for more than 1.5 hours at a time (shorten that to a hour if we're out in public and she's overstimulated).  From what we've read she's working through "Wonder Week 19" and it should get better soon, but the last two weeks of this came to a head this week for me when she refused to nap at all on Tuesday and she cried a lot - then I did too.  It was pretty sad - she was miserable, I was feeling powerless because all of my efforts to help her were a giant FAIL so we both just cried all morning.  Wade knew it was officially rock bottom when I finally admitted that maybe I should borrow someone's swing to see if it helps (Spoiler alert: It did not help - it's real live people or nothing for her.).  So two wonderful friends came to my rescue that day - one brought the swing while the other brought lunch and they both managed to help me salvage my sanity.  It was amazing.

My takeaway lesson is that I have got to figure out ways to get out of the house with her to ward off the insidious seeds of depression.  The next day we actually did get out of the house in what I can only term a giant feat of pushing me outside of my comfort zone.  A dear friend/neighbor and her 9 month old got us out of the house - we walked/strolled all the way along the water to downtown to enjoy her pool membership at the Vinoy.  I have always been a water baby and love the pool (and C appears to be as well) so I went against the nagging voice of fear (What if it's a colossal failure and she melts down while we're out?!) and committed to it.  I have never walked that much with C before (over 1 hour and ~2.5mi one way) so I wasn't sure what we'd do if she wasn't happy about it (we've taken evening walks about half that and she has lost it before).  Thankfully our timing must have been good and she napped the whole way down and back.  She enjoyed some pool time and we had a hurried lunch but eventually the meltdown monster reared it's ugly head - she'd been awake too long and it was hot and bright out so I couldn't nurse her down to sleep on me while in a shaded lounger on the deck.  Eventually we made a run for the air-conditioned sitting room inside where I could quietly nurse her to sleep them slip her in the stroller where she stayed down until we got home.  However it was fairly traumatic to hear her get to that point of no return when she hits the infinite loop of cough-crying where she can't breath and turns red in the face and I couldn't do anything until we could get to the sitting room a 3 minute walk away.  I feel like I'm causing her brain damage when it happens - as if it's a seizure or something because she gets all hot and red and her eyes glaze over when she hyperventillate/cries and when it's over she's unfocused while she nurses and I feel like no one's home behind her eyes she's so overwrought by it all (this is also what happens in the car and did again the next day after lunch with a friend).  So it was good to see we can both survive an outing (admittedly, I was thisclose to calling a cab to take us home since I didn't think she's sleep in the stroller).  I clearly need to build up my confidence as a mom but also my competence about how to handle being a mom in public (what to pack or not, how to calm her if I can't just lay down with her, how to keep her from getting overworked).  When I got home Wade asked if it was fun and it was tough to answer - it was really nice to get out and spend time with a friend by the pool, but at the same time it wasn't exactly fun because it was so much work.  I have a new found appreciation this week for single mom's or moms who are out in public going about their business with kids in tow.  I am used to having my crap together when out and about - being efficient and productive, but now my bar is "Clementine is still alive, has not injured herself or eaten anything dangerous - ok, we're good."  I am hoping with practice I'll get better and more of these things will become second nature and I won't have to think about them as much, but it's small things like: "where to put the baby when you have to pee and you're alone?" or "how to change clothes and not let the baby fall over if you can't put her down?" or "how to quickly run out to the car for something you forgot (wallet, stroller, etc) when you're alone but have already dropped all your crap where you are?"  You get the idea.  In the last year I've usually been the person to try to open a door or something for a mom with her hands full in public, but I honestly am clueless about how to help with kids so I never know what to offer friends.  But now, I know when friends are around, at least I can now offer a spare set of hands because even that is a miracle.

4 months

Just as we got home form NC, the Little Lady turned 4 months old - what the what?!  Where did 4 months go!?  (Oh right, I've been living in a cave...)

I managed to get some shots of her, but she's clearly not as willing to sit still anymore. lol  You can see the file I started for 4mo. pictures here.

Are we done here?

That following weekend we headed out to the beach to celebrate Wade's new job, which largely consisted of us lounging by the pool or beach and one afternoon of driving around and shopping while the Little Lady napped in the car. :)  Check out some pics and video here.