Getting to know the Bub

So far my leading nickname for Jasper is Bub.  Not really sure why, other than I have noticed I call the cats that too, so maybe it comes from there?  lol   Otherwise, like Clementine, I prefer using his full name because I like it so much.  (These days C has me on an approved-only nickname basis which she has whittled down to Sweet Pea, Sweet Cheeks, or Lady Bird, and she sometimes lets us get away with Teeny or Teen - which are short for Clementini, like the drink we invented in her honor.)

But here are some things we're learning so far about the little guy:

1. He was just shy of being back to his birthweight after 1 week, so he's eating well.  He is also already in 3 mo clothes, yikes.
2. He smiles in his sleep a lot.
3. I think he might be ticklish as he responds to kisses in his neck as if he were ticklish, including smiling a few times.
4. He seems to be pretty chill and doesn't startle from much of anything, including some of the pretty intense jealousy-fueled shriekfests C has had.
5. When he's awake he's very bright eyed and seems to look around as if pleasantly surprised by everything he sees - he has a surprising amount of head control/neck strength so he really does look around.  During his hearing test the woman remarked how very "present" he was for such a little guy.
6. He loves being sung to, particularly when I'm trying to put him to sleep.
7. He will turn to try to see Clementine when he hears her voice, particularly when she sings to him.
8. He enjoys walks around the pool/outside to see the trees and listen to the birds.
9. Unlike his sister who only had one kind of cry, I can already tell his hungry cry - which actually starts out sounding like a cat's meow (seriously, it does).  He actually doesn't cry a lot, just if we let him go a bit too long before we feed him, or if someone hits his umbilical stump by accident then you can tell it's a pain cry.
10. So far we can get him to sleep on his own in his bassinet or lounger in our bed (hooray!), but, like his sister, does seem to enjoy sleeping belly-to-belly with me (or on one of our shoulders).  He also seems to sleep at night (waking to feed every 2.5-4 hours then going back to sleep) and having nice long awake periods during the day, but the last two mornings has seemed to be taking to early morning wake ups (5:30) like his sister, ugh.
11. He seems to enjoy photo shoots as much as his sister does, which cracks me up.  His outfit above was a gift from one of Wade's coworkers, so we had to get pictures before we outgrew it!

I try to remind myself it'll all change and we don't know what he has in store for us, but for now, he's been breaking us in to the 2 kids lifestyle very gently.

Gratitude

I have a lot of things to be thankful for these days.  Sometimes it's almost a little overwhelming how much there is to be thankful for so I wanted to make sure I make a note of how deep my gratitude goes so on the tough days I can look back and remember that I am not alone and that even the bad stuff can have a way of producing something wonderful if you're patient enough to look for it. 

And if you're looking for photos: Jasper and our Fall photos.



For a number of days (4 or 5?) we were faced with the real prospect of our house not being habitable after the hurricane passed.  It was a creeping horror that grew day by day and when we were put under a mandatory evacuation, with no way to protect the house (no shutters and the storm surge was projected to be up to our kitchen counter tops) we were at a loss for words.  So Wade did the best he could to move, cover, and raise what we could in the house and we had one night to seriously evaluate what we would take if we may not be able to come back for weeks, or longer.  So we each got to pack one bag, and we grabbed our most important files, plus a bag of baby-to-be stuff and his portable bassinet so he'd have somewhere to sleep when he decided to arrive.  It was a very strange process asking ourselves what would have to stay and what absolutely needed to go, but also a really important one to remind myself what was truly important in our lives.  It was also weird packing for two states of being - since we didn't know when the dude would arrive - my pregnancy clothes and some nursing clothes.  Once C had been moved to the first evac location with Granzie and Poppi, Wade and I came back for some last minute prep work and gathered a few more things.  Then we sat on the couch and finally gave ourselves 5 minutes to cry after having to keep our fear in check and hidden while C was around.  After that I had a sense of release - we had done all we could to prepare and it was out of our hands.  It was also a good opportunity to remind myself it was just stuff and all that mattered was that we all were safe together and I needed to stay calm to keep the bun in the oven until the storm had passed.

The other unexpected benefit of this was learning what kind of a support network we had.  A group of our old neighbors had started a text group a few weeks before and we were all checking on each other, helping, and informing one another, which turned into a support group of sorts during the storm.  One of our neighbors went so far as asking her parents who were out of town if we could use their house as our evac location, which was such a relief I actually cried since we had no idea where we were going to go.  The generosity was overwhelming.  One of our current neighbors who refused to evacuate was also kind enough to send us updates on the status of the house so we knew it was safe to come home, which made coming home quickly possible so we could be safely at home when Jasper arrived.  I have also been so grateful that Granzie and Poppi could be here to help Wade around the house and keep C company during this big transition (and during the chaos of the 2 evacuations) - when Granzie finally went home after 2 weeks, C was definitely not wanting to say goodbye as she had become accustomed to early morning snuggles and lots of playtime!  Another stunning show of generosity and support was a dear friend from college who rallied her fellow teachers for donations of used clothes for the kids when predictions were looking pretty dire for our area.  She also spent most of the night texting with me and keeping me company while we watched the storm's progress on the radar and while I wandered the hospital in Orlando wondering whether the Little Man would be born there and what we would go home to find.  The next morning it was clear we somehow were luckily spared the worst of the storm and she sent the 6 boxes of clothes along anyway knowing we could find other families in need down here who could use it.  This has gotten me thinking about all the other families who weren't as fortunate and to try and find a way to support and help them, particularly in the Virgin Islands, where we have friends and where we spent our Babymoon when I was pregnant with C.

And maybe it was all the insanity of the week prior to his birth that helped put things in perspective, but despite the trip to the hospital (again) after Jasper's birth, I am finding joy in these early days that I wasn't able to after C's birth.  C's birth was very difficult, I was extremely depleted so my recovery was long, and we spent a few traumatic days in the hospital after, all of which seemed to set the stage for my long struggle with post-partum depression.  All of that plus the fact that our learning curve with a first baby was painfully steep.  This time, it's all feeling much more relaxed and intuitive, and so far there are some little things about who Jasper is that make it a bit easier too (he nurses well and gives me long breaks, he'll actually take a pacifier at night when he needs to suck and isn't hungry, he doesn't need to be on me to sleep, and so far seems to be a fairly chill baby).  He looks so much like C did as a baby (and has even made similar faces and poses while sleeping) that it's been healing in a way I hadn't expected - I am genuinely enjoying this phase and it's sort of repolishing those early memories I had of C so the rough edges are being softened and recolored.  I know this phase of enjoying simple baby snuggles and the whiff of sweet baby smell won't last, but since I didn't really get to live it the first time, it makes it that much sweeter this time.

How cute are these kids??

Welcome Jasper Rhys

Perhaps somewhere in the back of my mind while I typed my last entry my brain knew what was coming.  Like with Clementine's birth, as soon as I felt settled and ready for her, I went into labor that night.  And the same thing happened this time, at precisely the same time - 1:30am.

I woke up to a small "leak" and called Anne, our midwife, so she came to check me to confirm indeed I had sprung a small leak, barely a trickle.  So we assessed how I was feeling, ate some food, and she encouraged me to rest a bit more then get to walking.  So we quietly ate some more food and went back to bed.  She came to check me again early in the morning and told us to get moving so things would pick up, so we had another breakfast before Wade and I went for a walk around the neighborhood.  It was lovely just the two of us, yet weirdly quiet since so many people hadn't returned after the storm yet and trees were still down around the neighborhood.  Contractions and the heat picked up so we went home after a half hour so I could shower and eat some more.  Eventually things got moving and by lunch time I was in full blown labor.  Like with Clementine I was really battling nausea and managed through sheer will power and help from Wade and Anne to manage it so I actually didn't throw up (hooray!) which helped.  I was also able to keep drinking an electrolyte solution we had made beforehand and eat some honey and crackers which helped keep up my energy.  Labor was weirdly more intense this time (but not more painful), less of me trying to figure out what to do and more of my body doing it without my control.  We were able to manage the pain I was having and shifted around to get into better positions as needed, mostly which involved me laying in bed so I could see out our patio doors to the mangroves and pool outside.  I was pretty tired but once the nausea passed and I could keep down more food and drink it really helped.  I thought perhaps this little guy would be a water baby too, but although we had the tub ready I couldn't rip myself away from the view - my source of comfort and focus.  Once it seemed like things were getting close Anne suggested I try sitting up on the birthing stool, which she thoughtfully arranged so I could still stare out at the view.  Things moved quickly from there, and she told me she could see he had a full head of hair (like his sister!), but then there was an odd moment where something shifted inside my body and I felt him twist and really head for the exit - we realized it was because he was insisting he come out with a hand next to his face!  Anne helped guide his hand out and helped me pace myself so my body didn't push him out too quickly.  Once he was finally out though she realized there was a problem.  So we got me back up on the bed fairly quickly with Jasper on my chest while she quickly checked to make sure he was ok then try to stop the bleeding.  I didn't tear outside like last time, but something inside was bleeding and didn't want to stop so she took measures to stem the bleeding while Wade called EMS.  Meanwhile I was talking to Jasper and singing to try to create some sense of peace for him amidst the flurry of activity.  Once the bleeding was stemmed, Clementine came to join me in bed and meet her baby brother while we waited for EMS and she helped me sing to him when EMS arrived (which was a very short period of time, they were quick!).  It was a very sweet moment and she was absolutely delighted to finally meet him.  Eventually we sorted out some things with where I was going (with the hurricane, FEMA was directing hospital traffic to avoid overcrowding) and with the help of the EMTs we were able to request the specialty maternity hospital downtown.  So off I went with EMS while everyone else stayed behind to prep Jasper for transport and grab a bag.

Turns out I tore my cervix (the doorway out of the uterus), and that was likely the weird movement I felt as Jasper muscled his hand through with his head.  A check in the ER resulted in transport to the OR fairly quickly to knock me out to make the repair and stem the bleeding.  The good news is that I bled a lot less this time and I felt 100x better going into and coming out of it than I did last time.  Also good news, since it's an internal tear there wasn't as much pain or swelling so it's easier to sit this time (our midwife has advised 2 weeks of best rest for healing).  We managed to only stay one night in the hospital (we had been hoping for only a few hours), and we managed to not get them to admit (and double charge us for) Jasper.  I will not go off on my usual rant about hospitals but will say that it reaffirmed our belief that hospitals are for saving people, not healing and recuperating.  We were about ready to walk out but finally the doctor released us and we ran home for good nourishing food and rest.  It was weird since it was the first night we've ever spent away from Clementine, so we were thankful Granzie and Poppi were here to stay with her and keep her company.  We were also happy to get home so we could snuggle C before bedtime.

And for the record, he was born at 2:35pm on September 13th (at home), weighing 9lbs 14oz, and was 20" long.  (For reference, C weighed 9lbs 1oz and was 20.2")  We are jokingly calling the little man a Beefcake right now. ;)  And in case you're wondering, Jasper is the same vintage as Clementine's name, and his middle name, Rhys, is an old traditional welsh name that sounds like the American spelling of Reese.  And here's the photo album we've started for him.

The aftermath

So Irma was quite the adventure indeed.  Shortly after posting my last entry, Wade, C, and I headed to the hospital to shelter there in case I actually went into labor during the worst of the storm.  Weather radar was making it clear that the storm was going to come closer to Orlando than we originally thought, so we made sure Granzie, Poppi, and the cats had plenty of supplies before we headed to the hospital.  If the winds get above 30mph then EMS cannot respond so we didn't want to take our chances of delivering our own baby alone (I've seen at least 2 other stories of this happening during Irma).

We checked into the hospital with 2 small backpacks of clothes and basic supplies/food for the three (possibly 4) of us (including a sleeping bag for C) and they sent us to triage to check my condition since I told them I thought I might be in labor (otherwise we wouldn't be able to stay in the hospital lobby and would have been forced to leave).  They hooked me up to a monitor and checked if I was dilated, which was kind of a novelty - I opt for minimally invasive checks during prenatal care since they aren't actually necessary, so for a homebirth we skip them.  To our surprise, the nurse told me I actually was having some contractions and I was 3.5cm dilated!  Since the eclipse I feel like I've been in early labor (intense Braxton-Hicks, and other signs) and was asking the little guy not to come early.  So I guess I shouldn't be surprised something was actually happening, except with C's birth we had zero warning - no Braxton-Hicks at all, I just woke up in the middle of the night clearly in labor.  The nurse advised me to go walk and squat for 2 hours (since we declined inducing me), then come back for another check to see if I was progressing, and if I was then they would admit me.  So we went to the cafeteria for dinner, a little shocked that the little man might actually be on his way, and I began the walking and squatting feeling like I was actually moving towards active labor.  The whole time we were texting with our midwife since I wasn't sure what to do - try to encourage him along or not?  At that point, we could stay in the hospital lobby without worry about them trying to kick us out.  And she gently reminded me there was nothing I could really do to make him come or prevent him from coming if he intended to, so it couldn't hurt to walk and see what happens.  So after the allotted time we went back and when they checked me, the minute I laid down it felt like any progress I made was non-existent.  And that's what the check confirmed, no progress at all.  So the nurse said keep trying in the lobby and come back if anything changes. 

By that time the storm was picking up outside and it was getting late so we changed C into her jammies and tried a few different locations to lay her down for some sleep.  It was almost impossible.  Bright lights everywhere, all the dayshift hospital staff getting antsy (they were locked in too), and a weird vent cover (we were told) in the lobby that the wind kept lifting up and slamming closed in the loudest possible way every few minutes (it was driving us insane).  So we ended up in the lobby, which is actually a giant glass dome - that made for an epic view of the storm, but difficult to block out what was going on and it attracted all the staff who wanted to come and take video and photos of the wind and rain howling by.  (See our photos here).  Eventually they all got tired and left so we were able to get C to sleep on a lobby couch by 10:30 (by having her fall asleep on me).  I woke up pretty uncomfortable after just a quick nap so I let Wade take a nap while I kept walking laps around the dome watching them in the hopes we could get a freakin' room - we were so so so uncomfortable in the lobby that we felt like we were slowly going mad.  At one point when we saw the ambulance coming in, and were surprised it was running, we seriously considered running back to the rental house to sleep and take our chances.  The maddening banging all night long was really hard to take.  But we knew we had access to medical care if needed, food in the cafeteria, wifi, and AC, so it was smarter to stay put.  There were a handful of other families in there with us in varying states of the same condition (all of the other mamas doing the same ambling walk around the lobby to move things along), although we were the only one trying to keep a 3 yo safe and happy too.  By midnight it was apparent I was not going to make progress and was only tiring myself out and making my back hurt.  I had a conversation with the Little Man and essentially said "if this is the place you choose then I am fine with it, I would just ask that we get the party started already."  But he declined my invitation so I swapped shifts with Wade and lay down for a nap when he woke up.  At about that time one of the hospital staff came out with some homemade fleece blankets and pillow to pass out to those of us trying to sleep, which did help (they also turned down the lights and TV volume too).  It was very cold in the dome, so the extra warmth was much appreciated - even though we had brought a blanket it was not enough.  At that point we realized Wade was getting a sinus infection (too many stressful days with not much sleep and lots of prep work and moving) so the cold was making matters worse.  After my first cat nap I let him take a shift and covered him in both blankets after getting him some hot tea.  Then I sat up watching the radar and texting friends, which was a real source of comfort.  It was really incredible how everyone's love and support helped us get through the long night and quickly passed the time.  I took another sleep shift after Wade and had given up walking at that point.  And we stayed awake until dawn when C woke up like clockwork.  We were starting to get reports coming in from friends and on the local news site about the damage and power status at home and as the sun rose we had breakfast and started making a plan.  Technically Orlando was under a curfew for the day and we weren't supposed to leave or be on the road (except for medical emergencies), but as it became clear conditions at home were better than in Orlando (the rental lost power) we quickly shifted gears, packed up, asked the Little Man to sit tight while we ran back to the rental in windy, but doable conditions.  We quickly packed up the house and cats and literally raced back to St. Pete to beat the traffic (thankfully we had gassed up the cars the night before).  We made it home with me trying to nap while both cats rode in my lap and saying a mantra asking the dude to wait until we got home.  By some miracle we made it home quickly to confirm our neighbor's report - the house was undamaged and we had power!  It was nothing short of a miracle - not even the pool lanai screen was damaged!  So we switched gears to getting the house prepped for a homebirth again.  We took down all the prep work (tarps and plastic inside and stacked up stuff), and began unpacking.  I eventually took an afternoon nap while C and Wade took a celebratory dip in the chilly pool.  We had a nice dinner, and all retired for an early night of decent sleep after too many crazy nights this last week.  I awoke this morning feeling better in all ways and the early labor seemed to have settled down.  We spent the day unpacking all of our stuff and getting all the rooms back in order and doing some cleaning while Granzie and C played and Poppi was finally allowed access to go down to the island to discover they also escaped the damage but were unfortunately without power.  So now we have a captive audience!  Wade finished getting our stuff from our first evac location and cleaning up there, so that's one less worry too.  We also talked with our pediatrician today who said they are up and running but communication to the office was a bit tricky so we have his cell (we have to take the baby for a check within 24-48 hours after birth), and with the news our midwife had power and was willing to continue with the homebirth plan we were happy to be back on track.

So, we're settling in to wait again.  The house has been reassembled, mostly cleaned, and we bought groceries today, so we're good to go whenever this guy is.  This evening after a long day of hard work it feels like maybe he's going to come sooner rather than later, but I think he likes to keep me on my toes.  I've asked him to give us one more night of sleep tonight to catch up then he can do as pleases.  We are so so lucky and thankful considering the majority of our county is without power right now (thank you buried power lines in our neighborhood!).  We've been offering help and support to those less fortunate but it's been tough for me to feel so helpless knowing I can't really bend over or lift anything, so I can't do much of anything helpful except talk with others neighbors to share the information I've learned (what's open, what's not, where has power or ice or food) and offer to loan out our camping supplies or for folks to come over for hot showers, AC, or charging of things to those who need it.  I have also offered to throw a huge celebratory party for us all to collectively exhale surviving the last week of stress, turmoil, sleepless nights, and chaos largely unscathed.  So much to celebrate and be thankful for, I look forward to seeing friends and family in person to enjoy it all!

A grand "adventure"

So let me start by saying that we are 2 days away from the Little Man's due date.  And let me also say we are currently safe holed up in a sturdy safe house we found on AirBnB in downtown Orlando.  After 5 days of planning and replanning, then evacuating to another house in town, we lucked out at the last minute and decided to flee yesterday afternoon to Orlando.  We're a few blocks from one of the best women's and children's hospitals here in the event I finally go into labor (my body has been showing signs since the eclipse).  We're going to head over this afternoon and tell them I think I'm in early labor and see if they'll let us shelter there through the worst of it tonight while the grandparents hang here in the house with the cats.  Since labor has seemed imminent for the last two weeks making a long run to GA seemed like not the best idea, one my midwife agreed could be problematic (unless Wade had a desire to deliver our child on the side of I-75 in the front seat of our car with the cats and C trying to climb over from the back seat to watch).

Hopefully this will all have been unnecessary, but we want to be on the safe side just in case.  It's a complete change from the home birth we had planned... last weekend we had literally just finished all prep work and were ready for him - pre-cooking a bunch of food, stocking up on supplies, washing all the baby clothes and linens, cleaning the house, and setting up the little man's Florida wildlife themed nursery, so it was pretty heartbreaking to leave the house knowing he may never get to see it. (I took a video of his nursery as we packed up, just in case, and posted it on our photo site - we'll post any new photos there too for the next few weeks).

Despite the insane amount of stress this week, we have had bright spots:  Granzie and Poppi are here with us and so are the cats so we're all safe together which makes it easier on C too.  A friend generously offered her parent's house in town as our first evacuation site when we were caught off guard and needed to stay in town closer to the hospital in St Pete (we're on the water now and were zone A to leave).  When it became clear we needed to leave town, we lucked into this AirBnB house near the Winnie Palmer hospital in Orlando, literally at the last minute - we packed the first evac location we were at in 30 minutes and ran ahead of the storm.  We made it here and the owners of the house are two of the nicest human beings on the earth - this cute gay couple - they bought us some hurricane supplies, popsicles for C, and today delivered a pizza, ice, and brought a stuffed seal for C.  I literally hugged them when we pulled up to the house yesterday evening because it was the first time it felt like something had gone right all week.  We all finally got some good sleep last night after many sleepless and stress filled nights.

So today we're feeling safe and as prepared as we can be and are trying to let go of all we had to leave behind.  We each only have a small bag of stuff we could bring with us (including one for baby brother, plus his car seat, and a travel bassinet!) and we have each other and that's all that matters.  Whatever comes comes and there's not much more we can do about it except wait and try to convince C this is all one grand adventure.  Once she figured out we're close to Disney though, she has been asking to go... so maybe that might need to happen this week to celebrate, or take her mind off it all.   All depends on what baby brother wants to do!  I'm hoping he'll hold off another week so we can get a sense of things and figure out a plan, but it's out of my hands at this point.  We have this house until next Saturday so we have time to figure out a plan.

Hope everyone else is safe and surrounded by loved ones.  I also want to thank everyone for the tremendous love and support they've extended us.  Your friendship, humor, and caring have been an incredible source of comfort while I try to stay calm in all of this.  Hugs to everyone, we'll keep you posted.